Frigid
by Jacinda
Summary: Carter, OC, and Mallucci Story  NO SLASH .  "She never again was going to doubt the gravitational pull of the Mallucci curse."
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I've been feeling rather nostalgic about ER lately, especially the time period following the stabbing up until the core group of Weaver, Carter, Susan, Abby, and Luke began to disintegrate. Actually, I've enjoyed watching all the episodes up until the whole storyline revolving around Africa again. If only the last few seasons could have been re-written to make ER not make a habit of 'jumping the shark.' I guess that's why we all write. -Jac

* * *

"I was hoping you'd be gone by now," she said as she pulled on a robe.

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked around trying to figure out where the hell he was and why his head was throbbing. She looked at him disapprovingly. He tried to search his memory for what her name might be . . . Melania, Mary, or something that started with an M. She looked so much younger than him. With the furnishings in her apartment, he was at least positive that she was older than twenty-one. He wasn't about to repeat how everything played out with Rena.

"I'm sorry," he fumbled.

"Use the attached bathroom. I'll go put some clothes on then escort you to the stoop," she replied as she gathered her clothes.

"I'm sorry about last night and that I'm still here. Jesus, I never do this," he cursed.

"Join the club. I'm not all that interested in helping you justify what you did and why. I have to get to work," she replied as she walked out of the bedroom.

He quickly gathered his clothes and dressed. He was thankful that he didn't need to be into work until noon. It would give him time to sleep off the rest of his hangover and figure out where the hell his car was. He had already decided that the hangover was a small price to pay for a night of sleep that was nightmare free.

"Carter," she said as she slowly opened the door.

"Are you always a frigid bitch in the morning?" Carter asked her as he finished buttoning his shirt and checking his pockets to make sure his keys and wallet were still in place.

"No, I'm just not interested in talking about how much I managed to degrade myself or trying to figure out what you are thinking. I'm far more concerned with getting to work on time and getting my head to stop pounding," she replied with a soft smile.

"Aspirin and water," he replied as he followed her to the door.

"Aspirin, water, and coffee," she replied.

"Touché."

"Don't you dare think about thanking me for last night or offering to take me out for drinks," she warned as she opened her apartment door.

"You know, I really cannot stand you. Does that make you feel better?""It does. I'd say 'likewise,' but it would feel much less satisfying. Good-bye, Carter," she said.

"You're more satisfied that I cannot remember what your name is, or you're trying to bait me into saying the wrong name. Good-bye, frigid bitch," Carter said as he walked down the hallway.

"Melina. My name is Melina," she called out before closing the door.

Carter walked down the hallway to the stairs determined not think about what led him to Melina. He wasn't going to rehash the fight with Abby, Susan, or Luka. He wasn't going to think about how it was easier to let people hurt him, than let them into his life. Carter was much more focused on figuring out if his car would still be outside the bar he impulsively stopped at last night on his way home.

Melina wasn't interested in thinking about the upheaval of her life, either. She was more content fixing her hair and getting her make-up perfect prior to leaving for work. She wasn't going to fixate on why she left her training program in Milwaukee to come save her brother from himself, again. Melina wasn't at all interested in dealing with the aftermath of yet another lost job, burnt bridges, or God knows what he did. She resented Dave for continuing to draw her back to Chicago, though this time, she was able to readily find a job at County. Melina nearly laughed when she thought about how she was probably filling his position. She hated Chicago.

* * *

"You look like hell," Dave commented as he slid into the booth across from his sister.

"Thank you. How's Andy?" Melina asked as she picked at the toast she ordered.

"I'm sorry, Mel. I know, call me a huge fuck-up or whatever it is you want to. Ask me about why I cannot hold a job," Dave said.

"I'm not going to. I just want to know how bad things are going to be this time," she replied.

"I'm applying for residency positions in internal medicine. God knows your new bitch of a boss probably has me blacklisted," he replied.

"And are you back on your meds?"

"Yes, I'll turn myself into a fucking zombie just to make you happy," Dave growled.

"You could always just man-up and go see someone. It might be healthy for you to deal with Emily and mom's deaths at some point in your adult life."

"I protected you. I was the one that was a fucking punching bag. I deserved Emily. After everything Dad did to me, I deserved her," Dave said harshly in a raised voice.

"You ran away to medical school. You left me with our mentally ill mother. I was the one had to take leaves of absence during college and medical school to try to keep her sober, while my twin ran off to Michigan and lived out my dreams," she coolly hissed.

"It was our dream. If I remember correctly, there was a time when we both dreamed of leaving Chicago and going to medical school. I just didn't feel bad enough to stay and make sure our emotionally abusive mother didn't drink herself to death."

"You always were the loyal one," Melina scoffed.

"You know what . . . you'll fit in at County beautifully. You and your new name. Mel, you did everything possible to make sure that we were no longer family or friends," Dave said as he slid out of the booth and walked away.

Melina had done everything possible to isolate herself from Dave. She considered it a protective measure, since she was nearly positive that the Mallucci name was nothing short of a curse. She was descended from a father that was a career criminal, an alcoholic mother, and a brother that couldn't get his shit together no matter what. It was easier to take her mother's maiden name and pretend that she wasn't falling victim to the Mallucci curse.

She allowed herself to runaway from her problems a year ago. Melina had left Chicago to start a residency in emergency medicine in Milwaukee. Milwaukee was the epitome of safe. No one had heard of the Mallucci name. She had settled into a life of non-stop work, a few close friends that were blissfully unaware of how her family ceased to function, and a small apartment that afforded her a view of Lake Michigan. It was the first time Melina felt at peace in years.

She smoothed a hand through her hair and silently prayed that the aspirin would kick in before she walked down the street to work. Melina was nearly positive that her life couldn't get much worse.

* * *

"Kerry, I can't come in to do an orientation. I have a headache and my back is damn near killing me," Carter said as he unlocked his Jeep.

He was pissed that he answered her phone call. Carter also still felt unsettled after his exchange with the frigid bitch. He wanted aspirin and his bed.

"You're the chief resident. This one is technically your responsibility. Wouldn't you like to get her on the schedule so she can fill in Mallucci's shifts?"

"Fine, when do I need to be there," he grumbled into the phone as he began to drive to his apartment.

"Half an hour," Kerry said before hanging up.

Carter swore as he threw his cell phone onto the passenger seat. He was still pissed about just how willing Susan was to kick his ass to the curb, Abby was to call him an arrogant bastard, and he just plain hated Luka. It was a seething anger that was just coming to its boiling point. He wasn't even going to think about how he got his job by default.

Carter showered and headed into County. The aspirin had only marginally improved his headache. He secretly was hoping that the frigid bitch's head was still hurting. Carter cracked his neck before getting out of his Jeep; the sensation was far less satisfying than a cigarette would have been.

"Carter, meet Dr. Stefani. She's the transfer from Milwaukee," Kerry said as he walked up to the nurses' station.

He nearly stopped dead in his tracks when she turned around. He politely extended his hand and wasn't about to comment that they knew each other. Carter was positive that she wouldn't want that.

"We already know each other. What he's already nick-named me frigid bitch," Melina said with a smirk on her face. She never again was going to doubt the gravitational pull of the Mallucci curse.

"I'm not going to ask because I have no desire to know," Weaver replied as she walked away.

"You are like a bad penny that keeps finding its way back to me," Carter replied.

"Found its way back to you. If I'm not mistaken, this is a singular occurrence," Melina replied. She walked with him to the lounge.

"You could have mentioned that you are a doctor," Carter said once he made sure that no one else was in the lounge.

"Is your opening line 'I'm a doctor at County, random hook up. Hope you don't work there too.' You will have to say my name eventually," Melina replied.

"Wouldn't want you to have the satisfaction. Are you going to play the role of the evil bitch the entire time we work together, or can we pretend that we've never met?"

"Considering you are going to essentially be my boss and responsible for teaching me . . . I could pretend that I'm not your frigid bitch," she replied with a small laugh.

"You sure have a flare for the dramatic," Carter replied finally giving in and laughing at her.

"My brother says that all the time. I've just gotten used to all the drama. This place is a real shit hole," Melina replied laughing.

"So the dirty mouth extends beyond the bedroom?" Carter replied.

"Just want to make sure that you hate me."

"You have a demented way of flirting," he said as he pulled a paper with her locker number and combination out of her orientation folder.

"You have a reputation that precedes you," Melina replied as she threw her satchel into the empty locker.

"State your source."

"Wouldn't you just love to know? He's confidential. I know about a certain medical student and a certain attending," Melina replied.

"I might just take to calling you Frigid Bitch. Seems to suit you," Carter replied as he rubbed his temples.

"No you won't. I'll make you say my name," Melina replied.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Frigid Bitch, want in on an MVC?" Carter asked as stuck his head into the lounge.

"One of these times you are going to slip up and forget to call me my pet name or Dr. Stefani," Melina replied as she finished scrawling notes on a chart, "Of course, I want in on the MVC. I might just have to come up with a pet name for you. I've grown weary of calling you Carter or Dr. Carter."

"Good luck with that. Let's go get gowned up," Carter replied as she followed him to the cart outside the trauma room.

Melina frustrated the hell out of Carter. He wouldn't dare admit it aloud, but he enjoyed the banter with her. Carter enjoyed the clinical precision she had. Most of all, he enjoyed the sexual tension. Melina wasn't about to roll over and just give it up as did so many others. She made the tension palpable. She cryptically flirted with him, then pulled away at the precise moment she could see the desire in his eyes.

"Get your intubation equipment ready and have pharmacy pull up some rocuronium and versed," Carter said as he waved her off.

"Carter," she said as she placed a hand on his arm and stared deep into his eyes, "I'll make you say my name."

"You're very confident."

"Because I'm usually right," Melina said as she disappeared into the trauma room and began to set up all her equipment where she wanted it.

She nearly made him growl. Melina had tapped into the innate male desire to hunt the ones that play the game better than the player. She knew she had all the power in the relationship. Melina would go from presenting a case to him to whispering "say my name" in the blink of an eye. She sure as hell knew exactly what buttons to push. Carter wished that she was ugly. He even tried to pretend she was ugly, but she was a tall, svelte brunette with smoldering eyes and that damn husky whisper. It took physical restraint for him not to go to her apartment and throw her back down on her bed.

"I like her," Abby said as they waited in the ambulance bay.

"Good," Carter replied.

"I like that she knows exactly how to make you suffer. I'm considering asking for lessons," Abby replied with a straight face, "Don't think I don't see how she is able to reel you in then push you away. It's about time someone taught you a lesson."

"Thanks. I didn't know that I was lacking knowledge."

"No, just lacking insight. She has two years on her contract. I'm looking forward to watching her torture you every second of it," Abby replied snickering at the thought.

"Hey, Abby," Melina said as she joined us in the ambulance bay. She stood on the side of Carter, so he was sandwiched between her and Abby. It made him sway uncomfortably.

"Mel, I was just wondering if you would like to go get a drink after your shift?" Abby asked.

"I'd like that," Melina replied as she stared at the road awaiting the ambulance.

"If you plan on unionizing, let me know," Carter replied.

* * *

Melina pulled off her white coat and placed it in her locker. She mentally crossed off another shift in her brain. _Ten down, many more to come._ She was curious if Carter would continue to schedule himself for the same shifts as she was working. Melina reasoned that as chief resident, Carter would be more than capable of avoiding her if he wanted to.

She smoothed her long hair back into a ponytail and pulled the body spray out of her locker. At this time of night and after a night of unpleasing olfactory sensations, Melina hoped the lavender mask her day. She carefully fixed her makeup.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are a fucking tease?" Carter said as he walked up behind her.

"No more often than I've been told I'm a frigid bitch."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Aside from the satisfaction that I get every time I make you blush, I want to hear you say my name."

"What is your obsession with that?"

"Same as your obsession with not saying my name. You could make it easy on yourself and say my name, or I could keep playing the cat and mouse game."

"I can be just as stubborn as you," Carter replied as he pushed her up against the lockers, wedging her body between the locker and him.

"Try me because all signs point to you going home and thinking about me," Melina replied.

"I cannot stand you."

"Say that again, so your entire body gets the picture."

"I really cannot stand you. What I hate the most is how I don't want to move," Carter said as he pushed up against her harder.

"Not here and not without saying my name," Melina whispered in his ear as she managed to push him away, "We aren't so different, Carter. Broken beyond belief. Keeping everyone an arm's length away."

"What?"

"You have physical scars that give you away, Carter. You play the game to keep people away. I play so people won't know how broken I am," Melina said as she gathered her satchel.

"That's the first honest thing you have ever said to me."

"Well, it's easier than telling you all the gory details about how utterly fucked up I am."

"Probably no worse than I am. You hide it well in your cold as ice, semi-well-adjusted package," Carter said as he stood uncomfortably leaning against the lockers. He knew that sitting at this point would be far more uncomfortable than standing awkwardly near her.

"You play it out on your face. I can see it every time you talk to Abby," Melina replied. She wasn't sure why she was still standing in the lounge, when she knew Abby was down the street at a bar waiting for her.

"Aren't you supposed to be meeting Abby for drinks?"

"Well played, Carter. Good luck with that," Melina said as she motioned to his crotch before leaving the lounge.

* * *

"Fine, I'll take Andy tomorrow. God knows, my personal time never meant much to you," Melina said into the phone as she tried to catch up on her charting.

Carter watched curiously from across the table. He pretended that he wasn't eavesdropping, but he was fairly sure that Melina was well aware that he hadn't written anything on the chart for fifteen minutes. It had been two weeks since their discussion in the lounge. Melina had pulled back; she hadn't asked him to say her name, and he went back to calling her only Dr. Stefani.

"I came here to support you. I've helped fund all your residency applications, forced you to accept interviews, and watched Andy. You'd think maybe you could take your meds, so I can stand to be in the same room with you," Melina said following a short period of silence.

"No, fuck you, Dave. Why don't you just runaway, so I'm left to pick up all the pieces again," Melina cursed following another period of silence. She hung up the phone and placed it back into her pocket. She hung her head, so Carter wouldn't see the tears burning her skin.

"Boyfriend?" Carter asked.

"Brother. Brother who won't rest until he's made my life one huge misery. Brother that won't take his meds. Brother than won't try to make his life any better, but blames me everyday for making it miserable," Melina replied as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Can't be too messed up if he's applying to residency programs."

"I wouldn't bet on that. He makes me look well-adjusted," Melina quipped.

"He's not applying for emergency medicine, is he?"

"Internal medicine. He's taking a new career path. We'll see if it sticks this time."

"Do you want to go get something to eat?"

"You like this soul-bearing crap, don't you?"

"I like you when you're honest."

"You wouldn't if you knew me."

"I think I might want to know what makes you a frigid bitch."

"Wow, there's a commitment if I've heard one. You think you might."

"What if I said I liked you three minutes ago when you were cursing at your brother? It almost made you seem human."

"What you want me to be your little project? Do you think you can fix me?" Melina hissed as she stood up. She wanted something to throw. She paced back and forth.

"No, I don't need a project to work on. I spent a year trying to fix Abby and that was the longest year of my life. I tried to let Susan fix me and that went absolutely fucking dandy," Carter swore at her. He pushed her up against the lockers again pinning her hard causing her to yelp in surprise.

"You need to stop doing this to me and yourself," Melina whispered in Carter's ear.

"Stop playing with me, and I'll stop playing with you."

"Say my name, Carter," Melina said with that smoldering stare.

"Follow me," Carter said as he roughly pulled her away from the lockers and damn near dragged her down the hall and down the stairs to the basement. He maneuvered around the old dark hallways, until he pulled her into the storage room Doug Ross told him about so many years ago.

"We're both still on the clock," Melina said amused as Carter pinned her up against the door.

"You are such a frigid bitch. You piss me off to no end. You try to psychoanalyze me at every turn. When you begin to open up for a second, you push me away even further. Say my name, Dr. Stefani," Carter growled as he leaned into her further, pinning her arms back. He could almost swear heard her gasp.

"I'm not playing this game."

"What you can't take what you dish out? Say my name, Dr. Stefani. Say my name, you frigid bitch," Carter swore as he ground himself more deeply against her. He claimed her lips with his. He was surprised that she reciprocated. He was even more surprised that he was able to illicit a soft moan from her. Carter released one of her arms and ran his hand along her profile while simultaneously deepening the urgency of the kisses. He was dizzy from the intensity. Carter nearly had to bite his tongue to stop from saying her name when she pushed him back against the wall and began to untie the drawstring on his scrub pants.

"I'll make you scream my name," Melina growled.


	3. Chapter 3

"I stand by the fact that you are dramatic," Carter said as he finished straightening his clothes.

"You're the one that all but clubbed me and dragged me to your secret sex den in the basement of the hospital," Melina replied as she tried to smooth her hair back into a ponytail.

"I still cannot stand you," Carter said as he allowed Melina to flip down the collar of his white coat.

"Good. If you look pissed at me, we can play this off as us fighting in radiology or the lab."

"We shouldn't make a habit of this," Carter replied.

"Say my name and this is over. You might want to tell Weaver I punched you in the lip. I think you bit it hard enough to make it bruise," Melina said as she ran her pointer finger along his lip.

"You are my torture."

"Like a bad penny," Melina said as she opened the door to the supply closet and began to walk back to the elevator.

"You must be the evil on in your family."

"If you must know, I'm a twin. I'm no where close to being the evil twin," Melina said as she impatiently punched the up button again.

"I somehow find that extraordinarily unlikely."

"Well, you'd know, Dr. Carter," she replied as they boarded the empty elevator.

"You're so cryptic with everything you say. I don't know a damn thing about you."

"Why do you want to know me?"

"Because."

"Because?"

"I don't think you are as frigid as you pretend to be. I think it's a good act. Christ, you terrify Gallant. He calls you the ice princess," Carter said.

"He is easily intimidated. I can tell that I terrify you. Dr. Carter, yell at me about something so Weaver and Kovac don't even have the slightest clue that you dragged me to the sex den," Melina said as she shot him the same smoldering stare that she did before.

He yelled at her about a radiology study. She waved him off and returned to the lounge to finish charting. Carter stood at the nurses' station willing himself to not follow her.

* * *

"Dave, I hate Chicago," Melina said as she whirled her coffee.

"I didn't ask you to love it. It's only two years. Two years and then you can go where ever the hell you want," Dave replied as he allowed his sister to proofread all his application material.

"Are you still working the Doc-in-box job?"

"No, it makes me miss emergency medicine. I work in a Spanish free clinic part time. I really hate that job," Dave lamented as he stared at his sister.

"Well, it's going to be your life if you do internal medicine. Have you taken your pills today?"

Dave had no idea who the woman sitting across from him was anymore. He had fuzzy memories of going to Navy Pier with Melina and his mother, but he wasn't entirely sure that his mind hadn't concocted the memory to make him think there was something positive about his childhood. He couldn't remember the last time Melina smiled at him. Dave couldn't remember the last time someone called them partners in crime.

He knew that he did abandon her for college and medical school in Michigan. After their father died, Dave didn't see the point of sticking around to take care of an alcoholic that constantly spewed hatred toward him. He couldn't fathom why Melina did stay in Chicago until their mother died.

Dave justified his absence as necessary. He needed to be near Emily. He could close his eyes and picture the clothes Emily wore the day she sat next to him in the Gross Anatomy lab. She smiled at him and that was all it took for Dave to fall in love with her. Melina wasn't there to see him marry Emily in Vegas. She wasn't there to see her nephew being born. She wasn't there the day Emily's body was extracted from a twisted piece of metal that used to be a car. Melina was barely there to help take care of him or Andy in the days following Emily's death.

"I've taken my pills. I called the counselor that you recommended," Dave replied.

"Good. I want you to get better."

"I want us to get better. I miss you, Mel."

"I know."

* * *

From the back of a crowded café, Carter watched Melina and Dave tersely talk. Carter was far enough away so that he couldn't hear what was being said, but the expression on Melina's face told him enough. She was Dave's sister, and Dave was making her miserable.

Carter watched her swirl her coffee. He watched her sit awkwardly with Dave. Dave seemed to look right through Melina. There conversation seemed to be driven by the fact that they were related, despite their body language screaming that they were strangers.

Carter watched Dave walk away with a handful of papers in his hands. He watched Melina hang her head. She pretended to be reading a textbook, but Carter could see her using the cuff of her shirt to blot away her tears. Against his best judgment he walked over to her table and took the seat that Dave had vacated.

"Come here often," Carter said as he touched her arm.

"I'm not in the mood for this today," Melina said as she tried to compose herself, but the slight crack in her voice gave her away.

"Your brother?"

"It's always my brother. It's always a disaster."

"You were right. Dave is the evil twin," Carter said as he closed the textbook that was sitting on the table in front of Melina.

"I'm the one that made him the evil twin, so that must make me eviler than he is."

"I'm sure genetics played its part."

"No, I wish that was true. Why is it that you never tell me anything about yourself?" Melina asked.

"Because you never ask. No one asks."

"I don't like to know people anymore."

"So you play games?"

"The Frigid Bitch never got hurt. She hurts everyone before they hurt her," Melina replied as she stared into the bottom of her coffee cup.

"I know. It's hard to trust. People are so damn disappointing," Carter replied.

"I don't understand how you can think that knowing you have an ER full of people that care about."

"They care about the person they knew years ago. They don't talk to me enough to know who I am anymore."

"Dave told me about Valentine's Day. He called me that night to tell me he loved me. I think I said thank you or something along that line."

"What else did he tell you?"

"To be good to you. He said you were the only decent person at County. I don't know much else. Had I known your name the night I was at that bar . . . I was fairly sure that your first name was Carter," she replied.

"What hurt you so badly? You don't have a scar on your body."

"You didn't really get to know Dave, did you?"

"No."

"It's a long story. Dave doesn't talk about it either. It's the ugly secret that we carry with us. We've let it shape our lives."

"What happened? You know why I'm broken, so you might as well tell me why you think you're so broken."

"It all started the day that I was born a Mallucci. Dave and I were born into a hell that lasted for twenty-five years. Dad didn't want kids. He wanted his drug habit. Mom wasn't any better. She only knew what the world looked like through the bottom of a beer bottle. Dave and I were taught early on how to lie to the bureau workers. Dad told us that if we complained, the workers would split us up and send one to Maine and the other to California. I grew up believing that," Melina said as she let the tears fall down her face.

"I didn't need surgery for my femur fracture. I remember some doctor giving me a sedative and next thing I knew my leg was in a spica cast. That was the first time we were split up. There wasn't a foster home that would take two kids," Melina continued.

"I'm sorry. I knew Dave had a hard time with abuse cases, but I thought it was just because it disgusted him to see a child be hurt."

"No, it's because none of the doctors ever saved us. God knows, they had so many chances. The only thing my father ever taught me is _don't leave scars_."

"Have you ever seen anyone about this?"

"Only about a thousand shrinks that tell me to forgive my parents and move on. I'm having a hard time forgiving the monsters that were my parents."

"Forgiveness it overrated. I'm still pissed at Paul. I'm pissed at a lot of people."

"I know. The anger never really goes away. It just gets misplaced every once in a while," Melina replied.

"I know."


	4. Chapter 4

They hadn't worked together in a month. They hadn't spoken more than a dozen words to each other either. Both parties were satisfied never talking about their conversation every again. Neither had the desire to same each other's name.

Carter wasn't looking forward to working on Halloween. He knew it was always one of their busiest holidays, since kids had propensity to eat too much candy and vomit and college aged kids probably had been drunk for since noon. There was nothing that interested him about the holidays anymore. Paul had taken away any sense of joy associated with holidays long ago.

He watched Melina from afar. She seemed to settle into her misery. Dave waited for her in the ambulance bay once. He stood in a dark corner dressed in a coat and hooded sweatshirt. Carter would have never known, but Dave looked up at him with an icy glare. Carter was well aware that time does not heal all wounds.

"Carter, you should send Melina home. She looks like crap," Jerry said as he motioned across the lobby to where Melina was clutching the railing on the wall.

"You don't look well," Carter said as he walked over to her.

"I'm fine," Melina replied as she tried to straighten herself up and keep moving.

Melina tripped hard and needed to firmly hold the railing on the wall to keep from falling over. Carter steadied her. Looking at her face, he could tell just how pale and sweaty she was. Her body trembled against his.

"Please, let me take you to the lounge. I'll start an IV and give you some fluids," Carter said.

"Thank you," Melina replied as she began to shake harder.

Carter picked her up and carried her to the lounge. She was hot against his skin. Looking in her eyes, he could tell just how sunken they were. Melina felt tiny in his arms. During their previous encounters, he had not appreciated just how small she was.

"How long have you been sick?" Carter asked as he lowered her down to the couch.

"Few days. I'm freezing," she replied as she rolled on her side and tried to scrunch into a ball.

"I know. It's the fever. What symptoms have you been having?"

"Vomiting, fevers, chills. I feel like crap," Melina replied as Carter put his hand to her head.

"You're hot. I'm going to go get everything for an IV and some labs," Carter said as he smoothed the hair off her face.

He walked back out into the ER and began to gather his IV kit, fluids, and blood draw equipment. She was still curled in a ball shivering when he returned to the lounge. He wordlessly placed the IV and started the fluids. Abby came in shortly after with a few warmed blankets.

"Lay still for awhile," Carter said as he tucked the blankets tightly around Melina, "You could have called in sick."

"I have patients to finish up. I wasn't feeling that sick when I got here," Melina replied weakly.

"Tell me about your patients and I'll finish up. Just lie down and relax," he said as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Why are you being so nice?"

"You look like you need someone to be nice to you. Let me finish your patients up and by then, my shift will be done and I can take you home."

"Thank you. I have the wheezer in curtain one that needs to be admitted, the febrile baby in exam 1 that is waiting on a bed, the laceration in six just needs his discharge paperwork, and the old lady in ten is fine . . . just a hypochondriac."

"Try to get some sleep. We'll get out of here soon," Carter replied.

"Thank you."

He walked out to the nurses' station and gathered up all her charts. Carter finished the paperwork and did the last of the busy work. His own patients had been settled down and tucked in.

"The Ice Princess looks like hell," Gallant said as he pulled on his white coat.

"You coming on to take her place?"

"Yeah, anything that I can finish up for her?"

"No, it's all done. I have nothing to check out to you either," Carter replied.

"Is someone going to drive her home? She wasn't even able to put together a coherent sentence when I was in there. I don't think the bolus you gave her was enough. She's still diaphoretic and tachycardic."

"I'll drive her home. I was going to keep her IV in a little longer and give her another bolus."

"She looks like she could use it. Night, Carter."

Melina was still sleeping in the lounge. Her hair was pasted to her skin from all the sweating. Abby was kneeling next to her, holding a compress to her forehead.

"Taking her home?" Abby asked as she blotted Melina's forehead.

"That was the plan. She looks a little better," Carter replied as he put all his things into his locker.

"Take care of her. She said something about her brother giving her a hard time yesterday. Mel said that she's been feeling very tired."

"I will," he said as he scooped Melina and all the IV equipment up. She still was burning against his skin. She barely roused with the movement. Gallant walked with them to Carter's jeep. He helped Carter settle Melina in the passenger sear. He wished Carter luck before heading back into the ER.

* * *

"What the hell," Melina groaned as she sat up in a bed that was very obviously not hers. She was a little more disturbed that the clothes she was wearing weren't hers either.

"You finally woke up," Carter said as he walked into the bedroom and put a hand on her head to see if she was still febrile.

"How long was I out?"

"Nearly twelve hours. You're still hot. Are you feeling any better?"

"I feel like a truck hit me. Thank you for taking care of me. You really didn't have to," she said softly.

"I know. Abby is worried about you."

"She's nice. I'm really okay."

"Are you? Look at me. Are you really okay?"

Melina slowly turned to face him. He knew from looking in her eyes that nothing was okay. Her lip trembled.

"No." she whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"The fevers started only two days ago. The vomiting has been going on for well over 3 weeks. Carter, I'm pregnant. I found out a week ago."

He visibly paled. She started to cry. Carter wasn't exactly sure how to comfort her. He held her until she had quieted.

"I don't want you to lose your job. That emergency room means more to you than it ever will to me. I'm planning to ask for a year of family leave. It will give me time to figure out what to do next."

"Hey, I can't let you do that. Melina, I'll do whatever you need me to. I'm sorry," Carter replied as he pulled her a little tighter.

"It's okay. I'm afraid. I don't want to ruin a baby the way that my parents ruined me," Melina said softly.

"You wouldn't. You're not your parents."

* * *

He continued to watch her from a distance. She always looked tired and pale. Melina stayed distant. She only answered his questions when he cornered her in the lounge. Melina showed him pictures from her first trimester ultrasound. He marveled at the tiny toes and little heart. Carter even managed to convince her to let him ultrasound her on a particularly slow night so he could hear the heartbeat for himself.

It didn't take long for her to begin to show. At first, her stomach only looked slightly distended, but the damage was obvious at the five month mark. Melina stayed tight lipped about her pregnancy. She waved people off when they asked about the father. Melina got sick of people bringing her food and telling her to eat.

He stopped over at her apartment late one night after his shift. Melina confessed that she had just finished having her night-sickness. He helped her back to her couch. She placed his hand over the where the baby was kicking and then asked if he had ever been a soccer player.

"What are we doing?"

"I'm not going to use a baby to trap you, Carter. It's not fair to you or the baby."

"Melina, I miss fighting with you."

"I know. I miss it too. No more games?"

"No, I'd like to try to make this work. I have an appointment with Weaver tomorrow. I'm going to tell her about us and the baby."

"Not going to tell her about the sex den?" Melina asked through laughter.

"No, I think that part should stay out secret. Melina, let me take you to dinner. Let's talk."

"Restaurants are a no-go. The smells make me vomit. I live off carbs and chocolate. Your baby hasn't let me be in the same room with chicken, beef, or lamb in three months."

"Fine, I'll help you make supper. Have you eaten lately?"

"No. John, you don't have to go to all this trouble. I'm sure you didn't come here to watch me vomit all evening," Melina said as a slight blush crept into her face.

"I came here with that exact intention. Now, what do you want to eat?"

"I don't know what won't make me nauseous today. Yesterday, I ate crackers and ginger ale."

"Hmm. Come here," Carter said as he pulled her closer to him, "You can choose to be happy about this."

"I'm too tired to be happy. I'm tired, sore, and perpetually nauseous."

"Let me help you relax, then we can talk about dinner."

Carter swept her long brown hair over her shoulder. He gently began to knead her shoulders. She sighed contentedly and allowed herself to relax.

"Come on. Let's get you in bed and I'll rub your back."

Melina followed him. For a moment, she was unsure whether or not any of this was a good idea. Carter seemed safe enough. He seemed to understand her more than most people ever attempted to.

"Mel, you're okay. This is all going to be okay. I promise . . . I promise you that we'll make this work. You might even find that I can make you happy."

He helped her lay on her side. He laid behind her and gently rubbed her back until he could see that she was sleeping. He moved closer to her and rested his hand on her stomach. Carter smiled when the baby kicked gently at his hand.


	5. Chapter 5

"So, I'm assuming that isn't a watermelon," Dave said as he leaned against the door jamb.

"Not a watermelon. It's a volleyball," Melina said as she hesitated to let Dave into her apartment knowing Carter was still asleep in the bedroom.

"Melina, when do I get to be an uncle?"

"3 more months. I really look huge already, don't I?"

"You were so skinny before you got pregnant. That fact alone makes you look big. You look just like Emily did when she was pregnant with Andy. From behind, she never really looked pregnant."

"Dave, I'm sorry. We have so many issues that we need to work on. I want my baby to have an uncle . . . an uncle that I don't perpetually put down and make feel like shit," Melina said as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"We'll be okay. We always were. Even when things with Mom and Dad got really bad, we were always okay. Now, who knocked up my sister?"

"I don't think you'll like the answer to the question. Just take a deep breath and promise me that there will be no drama, no yelling, and no threats," Melina said as her and Dave sat on the couch.

"I reserve the right as your brother to do whatever I see fit, Mel."

"Dave, I'm warning you. The father and I are being discreet about our rather unique situation right now. Drama and stress aren't good for the baby."

"Mel, did you want me to make breakfast?" Carter said as he walked into the living room thankful that he was wearing more clothes than he normally did when he was with Melina.

"You . . . you slept with my sister. Melina, what the hell?" Dave said as he turned a bright red.

"Dave, please don't. I obviously was there and played a willing role."

"Jesus, Carter . . . my sister." Dave said as he paced back and forth.

"In all fairness, I didn't realize she was your sister at the time. I don't think I even called her the right name," Carter replied.

"Okay. Carter, not helpful . . . not helpful at all. Dave, be happy that I'm happy and don't ask anymore questions you don't want to hear the answer to," Melina replied as she stood up.

"Mel, I'm happy for you. Carter, she is my twin sister . . . one of the two blood relatives I have left on this earth. If you ever hurt her or the baby, I will find you and kill you," Dave replied.

"Okay, if you are done, I'm starving and need a shower. So . . . figure out who is going to cook for me. Behave . . . both of you," Melina said as she walked out of the living room leaving Carter and Dave staring at each other.

"Dave, I'm sorry. Your sister isn't exactly forthcoming about anything or anyone in her life. Melina is something else, but I would never hurt her or the baby," Carter said.

"She is something else. She was that bossy when we were growing up. I can cook," Dave replied as he pushed past Carter and into the kitchen, "About the killing you . . . don't ever doubt me."

"Fine, but you have to stop hurting her, too."

"Have you told Weaver yet?"

"I'm meeting with her tomorrow."

"Good luck with that."

* * *

"Okay, Melina is pregnant . . . you are the father," Weaver said as she tried to process Carter's long soliloquy that began with _I know this isn't professional, but . . . _ and ended with _Melina is pregnant_.

"That's it. Dr. Weaver, this won't interfere with work or evaluations," Carter replied nervously.

"Okay, I trust that it won't. I'm going to make sure that you are not involved with any of her evaluations. I also want to see the schedules you are putting together. No special treatment for her," Weaver said as she rubbed her forehead.

"That's all reasonable."

"John, are you happy?"

"I am. I'm having a daughter, Kerry. I'm having a baby girl," Carter replied as a silly grin spread across his face.

"Congratulations. I'm happy for you. I just want to see you happy again. I miss who you used to be," Kerry replied smiling.

"Thank you. I need to go. Melina has her ultrasound in fifteen minutes. She has no idea that we're having a daughter. She let me ultrasound her a few nights ago . . . I wanted to see her," he replied as he stood up.

"Your secret is safe with me," Kerry replied as she shooed him from her office.

* * *

"There's the heart. Everything looks normal. The spinal cord looks normal. There's the liver. Your baby looks perfect," Dr. Coburn said, "Now . . . do you want to know the sex?"

"John, I want to know. I know I said the exact opposite last night, but I want to know," Melina said nervously.

"I know. I want whatever makes you happy," Carter said as he kissed Melina's forehead.

"Is that a yes?" Dr. Coburn asked.

"Yes," Melina said softly.

"It's a baby girl. Congratulations," Dr. Coburn replied, "I'll make a DVD and print off some pictures for you. Melina, you can get dressed. My nurse will be in to schedule your next appointment and give you the DVD and pictures."

"Thank you," Melina said, "John, we're having a baby girl."

"I know. Let me help you up," Carter replied as he supported her back and helped her sit up.

"It's a she. Everything seems much more real now. We're having a daughter," Melina replied.

"I know. I should be thanking you."

"Why?"

"You make me happy. Even when you are a frigid bitch, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. Having a baby is just the icing on the cake."

"You make me happy, too."

* * *

The next few months all but seemed to creep by. Carter watched as Melina walked around with a new air about her. She seemed genuinely happy. She seemed so content at night curled up next to him in his bed. Getting her to make that move was like pulling teeth. It took weeks of himself and Dave trying to convince her that it made more sense to move in with him and use the spare room as a nursery. She reluctantly let Carter and Dave pack up her apartment and move her into Carter's. Now, Melina told him that she didn't want t leave.

She would talk about her past late at night. She gave him more glimpses into why she became the woman she is. Carter appreciated that. He in turn told her about his family and Bobby. He was hopeful that they could somehow heal each other.

The first time he told Melina he loved her was after a long night a work. His eight hour shift dragged into a thirteen hour shift. Everything that could have possibly gone wrong went wrong. He delivered a preemie baby shortly before he left to go home. He watched the neonatologist intubate the baby and do chest compressions. Carter called Melina from the trauma room to make sure she was okay. Groggy from sleep, she swore up and down that she and the baby were okay. Carter told her that he loved her and was worried. He promised to be home soon. He crawled into bed that night and held her. Carter was only able to sleep when his daughter woke Melina by kicking her in the lung. Melina kissed him and said that she loved him too.

There were baby showers to attend and a nursery to paint and set up. Melina never once complained about her back aching or feet swelling. She was even able to graciously make it through a baby shower with his Gamma's women's club. Carter was almost positive that she was enjoying being pregnant. He would laugh when she would put his hand on her swollen stomach, so he could feel his daughter kick. Even Frank smiled when he felt their daughter kick.

Her water broke during what was scheduled as her last shift before her due date. Carter was at home reading the seventh baby book that he had picked up at the bookstore. He laughed when Weaver told him that Melina wanted to keep working until her contractions were four minutes apart. He sat with her in the lounge while she finished her charts before Melina finally relented and said it was time to go upstairs and have their baby.

"Mel, sweetie, it's okay," Carter said as she clutched his hand during another contraction.

Carter was terrified by how pale she looked. He tried to soothe her during the contractions, but he felt helpless. Carter, more than once, called the obstetrician to have her make sure Melina was okay.

Both, Dave and Carter were wondering when the anesthesiologist was going to come place the epidural. Carter and Dave sat by her bedside. Haleh and Abby reassured them that Melina was doing fine. Abby even took the time to read the tocometer print out to make sure there weren't any decelerations or irregularities. It was fourteen hours before his daughter made her entrance into the world.

Amelia was eight pounds of healthy, vigorous baby girl. Carter could barely believe that this huge baby came out of Melina's tiny body. He couldn't believe how he could love someone that he just met so much. He couldn't believe how much he loved her mother.

"She's perfect," Melina said as she kissed Amelia's head, "Everything about her is perfect."

"I can't believe she has so much hair," Carter replied as he sat at the edge of her bed, "Mel, thank you. She's so beautiful."

"I should thank you for dragging me to your sex den. Thank you for not pushing me away," She replied.

"Give me Amelia. You need to get some sleep," Carter said as he kissed her, "You just promise me that we will never speak a word to Amelia about where she was created."

"I promise. John, you know that I love you, right?"

"I know. I hope you know that I love you too," he replied as he placed Amelia in the bassinet and returned to where he was sitting, "Now go to sleep. Amelia needs her mother to rest, so you are ready when she wakes up hungry."


	6. Chapter 6

Two days later, he drove Amelia and Melina home. They went home to an apartment full of gifts for their daughter. Dave and Andy were anxiously awaiting the arrival of Amelia. The hospital hadn't allowed Andy into visit because of an age restriction. Carter helped the five year-old gently hold his daughter.

"You make a beautiful baby," Dave said as he hugged Melina, "My niece is the most beautiful baby I've seen since Andy was born."

"I had help. This isn't all my doing," she replied, "She is beautiful. A little feisty, but I'm going to blame that character trait on John."

"No, that's your fault. I think is the only thing that runs in the Mallucci family," Dave replied.

They watched Carter help Andy with Amelia. Andy seemed to be nearly as enamored as Carter was. Melina knew that Amelia already had Carter wrapped around her little finger. Carter seemed to melt every time he was holding her. She saw contentment in Carter's eyes that she hadn't seen before. Carter would say the same things to her days later when she was crying about being tired and her milk not coming in quickly enough to prevent Amelia from being jaundiced. He kissed her and rubbed her shoulders until she stopped crying. Carter promised that Amelia would be okay and a few bottles of formula wouldn't kill her despite Melina's insistence that she wanted to exclusively breast feed.

They lapsed into a comfortable routine of feedings, diaper changes, and singing Amelia to sleep. Weaver gave him two weeks of paternity leave to spend with his girls. The last day of his leave was the hardest. Melina needed to kick him out of the nursery so he would get some sleep. Carter wouldn't even begin to admit how much leaving them alone at home scared him. Melina promised he could call every fifteen minutes if he needed to. His first day back at work, he called every two hours to make sure they were both okay. He grew impatient with Susan when she was late for her shift. Carter wanted to sign out the last of his patients and leave as quickly as possible. The second he got through the door he went to the nursery and picked up Amelia. He kissed her and held her for an hour. Melina watched from the door.

"Was work really that bad?"

"I missed both of you. I wanted to be at home taking care of my girls."

"Well, we missed you too. Let me make you supper before she wakes up and demands to be fed," Melina replied.

"Mel, I love you. I want to make this permanent. I want to make sure that you are always here with me and that Amelia grows up in a normal household," Carter stammered, "Would you even consider marrying me?"

"John, of course. How could you think I wouldn't?" Melina replied as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Because I'm damaged," Carter replied as he kissed Amelia's forehead.

"I don't think so. I see you with Amelia and think that I couldn't be any luckier. I see the look in your eyes when you hold her. I don't think you are as damaged as you think you are," Melina replied as she continued to run her fingers down the profile of his face.

"I never thought I could be happy again. I never thought someone would be able to love me."

"I think the same things all the time. Look at me," she replied as she gently raised his chin so they could make eye contact, "Amelia and I will always be here. We aren't planning on leaving any time soon. Now, put her in the crib. Let's go eat."

"Thank you."

* * *

Romano was the only person seemingly upset with the entire situation. Kerry had told him that she was the head of the residency program, so he had no ability to discipline her people. The ER staff had been more than accepting of Carter and Melina's relationship. Abby commented that the outcome was the exact opposite than she expected, but she told Melina that she was happy someone finally tamed Carter.

Melina brought Amelia with her one afternoon when she brought Carter lunch. She said it was her sneaky way of getting out of the apartment and interacting with people that could talk. Melina would admit to Carter late and night when they were lying in bed that she had missed him.

Amelia seemed to transfix the staff. Weaver gently held Amelia as Melina received hugs from people who hadn't seen her in four weeks. Jerry would swear that he saw Weaver smile at the tiny baby. Carter confessed that he wished Mark could have met his daughter. Susan smiled when she saw Melina take his hand and squeeze it.

"Melina, she's beautiful. She has Carter's eyes," Luka said.

"Unfortunately, she's just as stubborn as he is too," Melina replied.

"I think she gets that from both of us. You don't have to give me all the credit," Carter replied.

"I should take her home. It's about nap time for both of us," Melina replied.

"I'll come by after work. I'll bring supper," Abby said as she hugged Melina.

"Thank you," Melina replied.

"Kerry, I'm going to walk my girls out. I'll be back in a few minutes," Carter said as he put Amelia into the car seat.

"Take your time," Kerry replied as she waved good-bye to Melina.

"I should be home around three in the morning. Probably right in time for her feeding," Carter said as he walked out to the car with Melina.

"I'll miss you. I know Amelia with miss you too," Melina replied.

"I have tomorrow off," he said.

"Good. I've missed having time alone with you," Melina said.

"I have dinner reservations made. Haleh volunteered to baby-sit. Don't you dare come up with a reason to cancel."

"I won't."

* * *

"Mel, it's my turn," Carter said as he rolled over and looked at the clock. He had gotten three hours of sleep before Amelia decided that she was hungry again.

"No, you worked yesterday. It's my turn. Go to sleep," Melina replied as she got up.

"It's my turn next. You need to get some sleep too," Carter replied as he yawned.

Carter could hear Melina softly singing to Amelia. Unable to fall back asleep, he got out of bed and stood in the doorway watching Melina and Amelia. He was convinced that he would never get sick of watching them.

"You're supposed to be in bed," Melina said with a smile as she finished changing Amelia's diaper.

"I missed my little girl," Carter said as he took Amelia from Melina. He kissed the crown of Amelia's head.

"We're in trouble when she's a teenager," Melina replied, "She already has you wrapped around her little finger."

"I know."

"She's going to grow up with the childhood that both of us never had," Melina replied with a sigh.

"We get to have the normal well-adjusted family life that we never had," Carter replied as he put Amelia in the crib.

"John, let's go back to bed," she said.

"Mmm. You look so beautiful," John said as he picked her up and carried her to the bed.

"Thank you. You don't look that bad yourself," Melina said as she kissed him.

"Melina, I meant it when I asked you to marry me."

"I meant it when I said I would, John," she replied as he laid her down. She pulled him closer and deepened the kisses. Melina ran her fingers through his hair. She busied her hands by pulling off his shirt and gently nipping at his neck.

"Jesus, Mel," he groaned. He ran his hands down her body.

"Not for a few more weeks, but I have plenty of other ways to tire you out," she whispered in his ear. She tugged at the boxers he was wearing. Carter was happy to lay back and let Melina do whatever she pleased with his body. After he climaxed, she gently teased him for being so loud. He fell into a dreamless sleep with his arms around Melina.

* * *

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Carter said when he walked out into the kitchen in search of coffee.

"You needed the sleep more than I did. I got a few hours here and there," Melina replied as she finished feeding Amelia.

"Go take a nap. I mean it, Mel. I'll take Amelia for the rest of the morning," he said as he poured a cup of coffee.

"Okay, but wake me up in a few hours. I wanted to spend today with you, not sleeping," she replied as she finished strapping Amelia into her infant swing.

"I will, but promise me that you will turn off the baby monitor and get some sleep," Carter said as he kissed her forehead.

"I promise."

He watched her disappear into the bedroom. Carter softly turned on television, but that was merely for a little more noise in the apartment. He watched Amelia sleep in the swing. He sipped his coffee and tried to read one of the journal articles from the stack that had accumulated since Amelia was born. He failed miserably. Carter held Amelia and tried to refocus, but he was more interested in holding his daughter than anything that reminded him of the hospital.

He was startled by the knock on the door. Carter wasn't expecting anyone. He was more than positive that Melina wasn't expecting anyone. He sighed as he looked through the peep hole.

"Son," Roland said softly.

"Dad," Carter replied as he let his father into the apartment.

"I just heard from one of Millicent's women's club members. You could have called," Roland said as they stood in the living room. Carter held Amelia a little tighter.

"I left a message with your secretary," he replied coolly.

"John, I've been busy with the accounts in Paris. You could have called me directly," Roland replied as he nervously ran a hand through his hair.

"We have a baby in the house. It isn't conducive to scheduling anything," he replied as he sat down on the couch and repositioned his now crying daughter.

"The members of your dead grandmother's club knew before your mother and me. How do you think that makes us feel?"

"The same way I felt for years."

"John, is everything okay?" a groggy Melina asked as she walked into the living room.

"Could you take her for a few minutes? She's probably hungry. I just need to get rid of our guest," Carter replied coldly as he handed Amelia to her.

"I'll be right down the hall in the nursery," Melina said as she walked out.

"John," Roland said softly, "I know there isn't a place in your life for me anymore, but for your mother's sake . . ."

"I don't want you to come into my daughter's life only when it's convenient for you. I don't want Mom always worrying about everything she does and sucking all the fun out of her childhood. I think my daughter would be happier without you in her life," he replied.

"Son, if that's what you want for her, I'll be going," Roland said as he stood up and walked out the front door.

Carter stood up and walked to the nursery. He hadn't expected his parents to rush in and shower their only grandchild with gifts and attention. In the back of his mind, he knew his father would be coming to visit. It would be the same visit that his father made when Carter was in the hospital after the stabbing. Roland would walk in assess the damage and walk away. He mother would be tucked away somewhere in Europe, unable to cope with life.

"John, are you okay?" Melina asked as she fed Amelia.

"I will be. My father . . . he isn't a welcome guest," he simply stated.

"I heard. You are right. Amelia doesn't need that constant upheaval in her life," she replied.

"I wish that they could be happy for me. I wish that they could realize that there still is a place in my life for my parents," he said as he leaned against the door jamb.

"I know. I'm sorry they don't see that. I'm sorry they don't appreciate how amazing you are."

"Mel, I want Amelia to have a better childhood than either of us had . . . even if it means her grandparents aren't a part of her life," he whispered.

"She will. She has a father that would do anything to protect her. Amelia will always know that she is loved. That's what is going to make her life so much easier than ours. I think your daughter would appreciate being cuddled by her father while I go shower."

"I think she is out like a light. Maybe her father would like time with her mother," he said as he kissed Amelia's forehead and put her in the crib.

"I'd like that. I'd like another round of adult time. I think I can show you just how much you are loved."


End file.
